dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
