Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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