I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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