Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize