By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
