ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
