yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
