His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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