Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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