Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He uses pillows to masturbate.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
