Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
