I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
