there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
