She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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