allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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