hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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