I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
