we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
