I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
