My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
