i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
