Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i now understand why vodka
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
