I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
