dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
