did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
