I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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