bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
