It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
