My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
