You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
