Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
