After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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