I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
