And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
