how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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