i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
