Banned from zoo.
Again?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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