this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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