wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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