if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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