I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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