Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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