that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
