we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize