So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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