I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
