Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize