I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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