Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
