OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
