so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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