the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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