i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
