Banned from zoo.
Again?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize