Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
