remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We got so high we made milksteak
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
