I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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