I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
