Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize